I wish I didn’t feel this god damn empty without you.
I love you, but I’m mad at you is one of the most freeing, important things you can say in a stable relationship. Does that make sense? To know that you have the ability and the right to be mad at someone and know that it doesn’t mean things are over, that it doesn’t mean things are irreparable. That it just means I’m mad, but God, I love you. I love you. Now leave me alone.
I know you said we should see other people but I can’t fucking see anything but my ceiling. I haven’t gotten out of bed in 2 weeks. Fuck you. I’m done. Don’t call me back.
I want to kiss you again but I don’t think I can.
I’m drunk and I’m so sorry but I don’t think I love you. I mean… I probably love you but the way you look at me sometimes make my throat burn and I’m so tired of burning. I think I need someone who can put me out you know? Oh fuck.
I don’t care that you fucked her but did you really need to call me and tell me about it? Fuck off.
I thought you loved me. You thought I stopped filling bathtubs with my own blood. I guess we were both wrong.
It’s so fucked. I would’ve done anything for you and you ripped my heart out of my chest. Oh my fucking god I can’t believe I miss you. I’m deleting your number.
Jesus fuck your chest is empty.
That was cold. I guess I thought I meant more to you than that. I hope she makes you happy.
Did you take my cigarettes with you when you left? I’m changing the locks.
I haven’t slept and I hate you. I kissed him when you were drunk anyway. At least he doesn’t make my hands shake the way you always did.
Six months ago you drove to my house in the middle of a hurricane and you swerved your car off the road and ran the rest of the way. You were so drenched you had water pouring from your hair into your mouth so hard you could barely speak but you kissed me anyway and wiped away my tears even though your hands were too wet to do anything but drip more water down my cheeks. Now I can’t even get you to go see a fucking film with me. What happened to you?
I haven’t seen you in three weeks.
Your mother called. She was wondering who she saw with you in the backseat of your car. Fuck you.
I don’t think your parents like me. I’m sorry my skirt was too short. I’m sorry I trip over my words. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop touching your arm. I can’t do this.
I love you. I’m so sorry.
I found my favorite book in the trash. What’s your fucking problem?
It’s fine if you’re going to leave but please don’t take all of your old t-shirts with you. I need something to sleep in when things get bad. I still need you. Whatever.
I thought being with you would be better than being alone. Sorry.
Did you hide my fucking Xanax?
I never should’ve gotten so attached to you. I shouldn’t have let you in. God you’re my biggest regret and I’d do it all again. Please don’t try to come back. I’ll let you. And it’ll break me.
When I was little my father told me that if you cling to the sunshine you’ll end up on fire. You’re my sunshine. You’re my world. I’m burning alive…. Bye.
Don’t bother coming home.
You’re a terrible addiction. I’m trying to quit.
My high school English teacher told me that in a relationship one person always loves the other more and you should never be the one to love more. I love you so much I can feel my heart breaking every time I look at you. I know you don’t love me half as much because god if you did you’d be dead but you’re very much alive and staring at every pretty girl who passes you.
Sorry I couldn’t save you.
I want back my record player. And the past eight months of my life. I fucking hate you.
Answer your phone. I’m so sick of only hearing your voice on your voicemail. I can’t deal with this.
I still love you but you’re a fucking mess.
I used to fall asleep screaming your name at the ceiling. I would cry until I was choking and clawing at my chest, trying to rip my heart out so I wouldn’t have to feel like dying all the time. I felt everything and it was killing me. Oh god I didn’t want to feel it. I didn’t want to feel the empty space in bed next to me where you should’ve been. I didn’t want to feel your lips lingering on my neck even though it’s been four months since you’d bothered calling me. And then suddenly it’s the middle of January, 6 months since you accidentally broke my heart in the door when you shut it a little too hard and decided you didn’t love me anymore. And I’m shaking from the cold and I’m shaking because everything fucking hurts. and then I see you in the corner, and it’s the first time I’ve seen you since that fucking night. And you’re with her. And you’re grabbing at her the way you used to grab me. And you’re kissing her like you’re on fire and she’s the only thing that can put you out. And I lost my breath. And you looked up from her mouth and saw me standing there and looked away and I drove home swerving off the road. After that it all shut down. I didn’t feel anything anymore and jesus fuck I miss the days when I felt like everything inside me was crashing into each other and whispering your name. It’s like I was dead. I think you killed me. So I’ve been splitting open my skin because I thought if enough blood poured out of me maybe I would wake the fuck up and clean up the mess but I never did. I just sort of sat there drowning in myself. I want it all back. I want my mother shaking me in the middle of the night asking me why I was crying in my sleep. I want to look at old pictures of you and throw up every last bit of my bleeding heart. Anything would be better than this cold.